Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
