my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
