if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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