Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
