like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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