If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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