That's intense
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
