it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
