Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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