Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
