It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
