I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
