Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
