did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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