I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
