remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
