does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize