Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
