i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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