is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
