I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We have started to decorate penises.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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