As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
