I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
