the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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