How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
PANTIES FOUND
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