i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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