My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
