matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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