I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
