we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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