i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Found the puke drawer
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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