Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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