I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
