smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
