Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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