Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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