Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
