Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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