umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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