you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
