I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
