Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
