just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize