Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
