i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize