found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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