just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
