i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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