apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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