my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
