you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
