were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
birth control should be required to get into college
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize