I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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