Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
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