after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
