At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
