The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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