How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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