69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
