And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
