my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
