I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
