Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
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