You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
