Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
