i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
