You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
