carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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