Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
