I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
