How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
