Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Randomize
