Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
