Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
