I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
