Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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