I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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