you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize