No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
