just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
