Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
