when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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