My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize