seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
