everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
