and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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