Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
