the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
