I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
