No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
