yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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