You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
