Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
