i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
