I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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