I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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