There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
