She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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