Best friends brother. Beat that.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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