we're chasing vodka with high fives
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everclear isn't food dammit
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
