My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
