Having a random hookup so left but love u
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
