We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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