I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
