Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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